同類

孫燕姿 同類

雨後的城市　寂寞又狼狽
路邊的座位　它空著在等誰

我拉住時間　它卻不理會
有沒有別人　跟我一樣很想被安慰

風　停了又吹　我忽然想起誰
天　亮了又黑　我過了好幾歲

心　暖了又灰
世界　有時候孤單的很　需要另一個同類

愛　收了又給　我們都不太完美
夢　作了又碎　我們有幾次機會　去追

不曉得為甚麼愛　又稀少又昂貴

雲在半空中　被微風剪碎
回憶也許美　可是正在飛走對不對

眼淚成詩

我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人.

一開始是喜歡孫燕姿的歌, 後來是愈來愈喜歡. 她的聲音溫柔, 脆弱, 但堅定, 倔強.

晚上在家裡靜靜的坐著, 忽然有點懷念, 愛情的感覺. 沒有特別懷念某個人, 只是純粹記得愛情如同記得一件美好的事情. 那感覺, 我記得, 也是溫柔, 脆弱, 但堅定, 倔強. 我記得落花流水, 記得奮不顧身, 記得心如止水, 記得無疾而終, 記得朝朝暮暮, 記得落荒而逃. 隔了些年月, 多美好的事情, 都彷彿有點蒼涼了.

有一些孫燕姿的歌詞我覺得貼近得不得了:

我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人.

用力推開你我依然留下.

我懷念的是爭吵以後還是想要愛你的衝動.

還是害怕夜深人靜時總想起你.

我並不懦弱你比誰都懂.

除了你給的傘我再也沒有別的藉口去擁有你的什麼.

我也是80後

" 現在許多的80後都認為工作只是人生的一部分，要「play hard, work hard」享受生活才算理想人生。這樣和勤力拼搏的上一輩確實會牛頭不搭馬嘴，但絕不等於我們不上進不負責任。"

(明報)2010年1月9日 星期六

這是一個好有趣的社會現象.

誰人搬出 "80後" 這標籤名詞搞社會分化, 結果卻把一代人歸納團結起來了. 這是整整一代人的異見分子, 我/ 他們未必有具體的權力, 但有的是青春, 熱情, 理想, 抽象但實在, 而且堅定.

帶出一個信息: 你的孩子不屬於你, 他們屬於自己, 不受誰的支配. 當父母的不欣然也得接受, 這是個失去的過程.

希望我們這群八十後變老了不會抱著一個高高在上自以為是的老屎忽姿態來blackmail我們的下一代.

仍然是一閉上眼睛使開始造夢.

Some dialogue between a man and a woman.

w: How are you now? Teacher, right?
i: Where did you get that news from?
w: Haha ‘cause I am smart to guess?
i: Can’t say it's not. So you in your final year?
w: I wish. Not yet. Junior year.
i: You have a lifetime to work, why hurry.
w: ‘Cause I am getting sick of school. Don’t know why.
I used to love school a lot, but gradually after my sophomore year and last summer, I just wanna graduate and work asap.
i: I think I understand. I planned to do postgraduate but when it came to my last semester I was just sick of studying any longer.
w: I don’t know, after my experience with HSBC last summer, I realized I am really getting sick of school.
It's like I suddenly lose the interest in acquiring more knowledge.
i: Yea too much knowledge, somehow.
w: Ya but with that sort of mentality, my academic results get affected as well. Like last quarter I just "duc guo cher guo" for my classes and spent most of the time doing intern applications.
i: As long as you think it's worthwhile.
w: Don’t know. And u know, I always miss Hong Kong, so it makes more sense for me to get out of school asap.
i: I thought your nostalgia would be declining.
w: Well it WAS. But it got stronger after last summer.
i: Something happened?
w: What do you mean?
i: It's like last summer is THE cutting line.
w: Hmmmm. Ya kind of.
i: Yea, so?
w: Haha but it's over.
i: Exactly why it's on the table.
w: Hmmm.............
i: Alright I'm just asking.
w: Sorry. Haven't been sleeping for the whole day.
i: Been applying for intern again?
w: Yes. And also I just got back to the States from my Christmas break.
i: You come back every summer and Christmas?
w: Pretty much. But didn't come back last Christmas.
i: So, have things around/about you changed a lot or no?
w: Hmmmm, where should I start from?
i: The easiest one to tell.
w: Well the easiest one to tell is to say nothing happened, isn't it? Haha.
i: Ok, then I bet it ends our conversation.
w: Okok, not like that...
i: So? Story?
w: Thinking. Hmmm, You want story about my academic life, or relationship or what?
i: The more interesting one.
w: That will depends on what you think is more interesting.
i: The latter one apparently.
w: I knew it.
w: Well it's kind of sad, though I dun mind sharing. See how I can start. So I guess you know I dated a girl during summer, but then we broke up after I got back to the states for around 1.5 months.
i: I know nothing about that.
w: Now you know.
i: Yup.
w: Ya. So hmmm, the girl I knew her since I was 7 or 10 I forgot.
i: Wow.
w: But didn't really talk to her much when I was kid and eventually lost contact until she found me on facebook like 2008 fall. So ya we started when I got back to HK for summer but broke up once like 4 weeks be4 I was about to leave Hong Kong, then got back together and broke up again after around 1.5 months I was back to the States.
i: I see.
w: So ya.
i: So you're lovesick, not homesick.
w: ..............Well I didn't even see her during Christmas.
i: So you're not the one who initiated the breakup.
w: I was. For both the first and second time.
i: Why?
w: ‘Cause I thought she was not putting much effort or not really care about me and being cool and so on. You know those kind of stuff. But now when I look back, I don’t know.
i: What about you? You expected a fling or you serious?
w: I was damn serious. Tooo serious in fact. If I was not being serious, I will never long-distance with her.
i: It can be another way round...
w: The another way round? Like she treated me as a fling? I highly doubt about that.
i: No, I mean some people do enjoy having more casual relationships when they come back home during holidays. Easy to begin, and easy to put an end to.
w: Er....mine was tough to end although I was the one who initiated the breakup.
i: Sorry to hear.
w: It's ok. I've been through it I guess.
i: You regret?
w: Well what should I say. I think I made the right decision to break up at that moment if I am being rational. But ya sometimes I still think of her. And like before Christmas I actually thought of getting her back, but I think it's not very likely to work out given that I only have 3 weeks in Hong Kong, plus I am quite sure that we will break up again once I leave Hong Kong after Christmas. So I decided better not to meet her.
i: But if you're still not sure if she's serious or not then how do you possibly conclude your decision was right.
w: My decision was right. ‘Cause with the relationship continues it will only hinder our normal life I guess. PLUS ya back in those days I was always complaining to her that she is not putting enough effort to maintain the relationship and I saw not much improvement, so I decided to end it.
i: I see.
w: But I dun think I can blame everything on her. She thinks there's a huge gap between us, and the gap is only getting wider.
i: Gap of physical distance?
w: Not just that, but like our social background, education and mentality as well. Oh forgot to mention that she was younger than I am. She is now a freshman at uni.
i: Well, it has to happen.
w: Anyways it's over now I guess. Haha although recently she wrote something on her xanga and I am confused.
i: Like?
w: Ai let me show you. (blahblahblah)
i: ...
w: I guess I should just stop reading her stuff which I did so before. I am just bored suddenly.
i: Why would she suddenly bring this up in her xanga?
w: She was writing her end of year review shit.
i: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
w: .......What’s so funny?
i: It’s hilarious.
w: Why?
i: Nothing, just kind of... comic.
w: ...Okay.
i: The humorous side of your sad story.
w: What? Where's the humorous side?
i: Well at least she summed it up positively.
w: Fine.
i: I'm not sure if you prefer not being mentioned at all in her end of year review shit. Then you'd still be cursing her
w: No I won’t.
i: Haha.
w: I never curse her. It's just I don’t know.
i: Yes you just curse her review crap.
w: Er... I didn't man.
i: Obviously you're still not over while you think you are.
w: I know.
i: Speechless.
w: My relationships are always short. Longest was the previous one.
i: So you had many relationships.
w: .....
i: Haha.
w: Honestly, I want a stable one man. I am sick of flings.
i: Then honestly you have to be here to be stable.
w: ........
i: Or have something stable over there.
w: Well my dearest you know what, even if I graduate and come back to Hong Kong to work, I doubt if I am gonna have a stable one. ‘Cause if I become an i-banker or working in the finance industry I dun think I have the time to date a girl seriously.
i: Well I guess it's too generalized.
w: What?
i: Friends of mine working in these fields can date normally.
w: I-banking is hard to say. No time to date.
i: Well, bread and love, pick one.
w: No bread no love though. You need $$$ to hit on a girl by the end of the day.
i: Yes, you need $ to put ads on newspapers to ask for a date by the end of the day.
w: Wtf.
i: =P
w: HAHAHAHA.
i: I mean it.
w: ........
i: I did read it. "Rich man, single, back from the States, want a stable marriage."
w: HAHAHA. Hey u interested in that?
i: I am not interested, but it's interesting to read!
w: Come on, I dun think I have to do that. Dai lo, even if I dun hit on gals, there will be girls hitting on me I am sure.
i: Alright then stick to your i-banking-breadwinning-girl-hitting-on-you future, girl magnet!
w: ................. Don’t say that. In fact I am worried that I won’t be able to find a job. It’s really competitive.
i: Things will get better in 2010.
w: I hope so. My 2009 was kinda screw. It was not during summer. I had a great time during summer but bad luck come up after that.
i: When will you be graduating?
w: 2011. A big sigh.
i: Don’t sigh, you got a lifetime to work like a cow.
w: Haha you should know that I am always working like a cow.
i: I am going for a shower.
w: We should catch up more next time. Miss talking to some intellectual people like you.
i: Well you have plenty of intellectuals around.
w: Oh true, but none of my friends do literature.
i: So talking to people who do literature about your love life is something different?
w: .........OK you are inching me. Fine.
i: No no no I haven’t. I am always agreeable.
w: O really? I bet now you must be always inching people around. Is that how you teach your students?
i: Yes that's how I teach my students because they just love me inching them.
w: Oh really. You know I am taking a class that requires me to study Chinese literature in English. Wut jor gay.
i: Why the hell are you taking this class then… Hey I have to shower!
w: Hahaha okok I will let you shower.

We almost had a baby

zzz

First Love.

Something good to share.
Emmy the Great, and she's from Hong Kong.

2009

二零零九年的上半年用「災難性」來總結也絕不誇張. 下半年總算活得不賴. 對得起天地良心就好了.

我覺得人生要有一點轟烈, 一點英勇, 一點幸福, 一點憂傷, 一點悔恨, 一點幽默, 一點浪漫, 一點平淡, 才算得上完整. 有些人先轟烈, 後平淡, 有些人相反.

明天也許更好, 也許更糟. 也罷, 死水也能蒸出雲霞. 人生本來就是沒有意義的一回事. 我們生存就是要找出意義的所在.

再俗套也得說一聲: 新年快樂 :)