習以為常

我站在士丹頓街等你，等了好久。

一轉身，你剛好來到，眼睛跟我碰個正著。你穿著灰色毛衣，針織的，頭髮長了很多，而你身上的味道，還是一樣。你給我看你的新電話，給我講述一些無關痛癢的小事情，我堆著一臉微笑，耳朵張開如花細聽。

我倆並肩而行，漫無目地在蘇豪繞了一圈，才坐了下來。很好的餐廳，一進去就非常的喜歡。你給我拉椅子。一直聊天，平時有很多想一一告訴你的，當下竟一一忘記了。 

每年的這個時候，我又高興，又哀傷。我佇立地鐵站的階梯上，走了兩步，又停了下來，回頭張望，盼你也回首，然後看見，我還在原地。可是事情像無數的事情一樣，並沒有發生。而我卻，早已習以為常。

2011 年 12 月。

officially 25 !

19 December - a bright, sunny day

I have a few things to say for my birthday (what's good about birthday is that you get the turn to stand in the spotlight, so bear with me for the moment, for once a year in my life :)).

It's my 25th birthday, which marks a full quarter of a century.

To my friends, I have to thank you all for your kindness, for being with me when I'm most alone, and lending me a hand when I am most in need. I'm grateful to those who read my writings and are interested in my little thoughts. I'm grateful to those who have spent the good times with me and survived the bad times with me, and have been tolerant of my faults. You may think what a cheerful and hopeful person I'm, but it's the people around me who have made me so. I was once a pathetic pessimist who believed in tragedies, but now everything is brightly lit because of the lights you have shed on me.

I also want to say that it doesn't matter we don't get to see one another a lot. It's your presence itself that matters the most. It's true that we spend our lives mostly on our own, but I spend a whole lot of time thinking about you and dreaming of the good times we had (and stalking your facebooks).

Life has done me good, and I can't be more thankful for everything I have, and everything I don't have. Honestly I don't have much to wish for. I'm contented about my life in its down-to-earth, comfortable state in which I could still afford the time to read, to write, to travel, and to do the things that please me. Of course, I still have in mind my pursuits and dreams, which keep my life going.

'I suppose the important thing is to make some sort of difference. You know, actually change something... Not the whole entire world. Just the little bits around you.' 

This is what Emma Morley said in One Day, who is my favourite heroine in my favourite English book of the year. She said it at the very beginning on the very first page, at her early twenties, and it pretty much tells you my belief about my work and my being myself. 

I believe being a teacher is about making a difference. Small as it may seem, but every greatness begins with the smallest things. And greatness is not measured in terms of the number of distinctions. My students get none, but I still think they're great. They have the kindest heart and sweetest temperament, if you could only know them in person. I've gone too far but I consider myself very lucky to have them as my students, and I see the difference I'm making in them, however trivial it may be.

What I want to say is, don't be hesitant to make a difference, whether it's in yourself, or in the people around you, because you are what you believe.

Resolution for my 25th birthday:
Be good to myself. Be as good to others.

Please be there with me when I turn 26!
:DD

By the way, you know what, tomorrow will be a bright, sunny day. Not that I've checked the weather forecast, but because 19 December has always been so, at least for the past 24 years in Hong Kong. On the day that I was born, it's a little bit chilly, but the weather was wonderful. And then I've observed a weather pattern of my birthday - it's always bright and sunny, and a little bit chilly, just like the very day that I was born.

When the last hour of the day ends.

My birthdays in recent years have gone by without much significance.

I even forgot to think of any wish to make until the very moment when I had to confront the candle that was in a hurry to burn out. Then I realized I didn't really have much to wish for. I mean yes I did, but those are the things that I was fairly confident I could accomplish without relying on the supernatural power of my birthday luck. And for those I consider impossible, I didn't bother to recall at all. I used to dedicate such annual opportunity to the hope of 'world peace'. But the reality turned against my wish and I thought it's stupid of me to have totally wasted it.

I'm now twenty-four. Someone once said it's poetic like the hours of the day. And when the last hour of the day ends? It proceeds to a quarter of the century. A quarter of one hundred years. What should I expect? A quarter of solitude?

Three months from today it'll be my birthday (again). I want to do something I've never ever done before. And it's easier to get people involved because it's my birthday and it makes them guilty if they refuse (hehe). It's nothing big actually. I'm just contemplating camping in a place where the stars would make me breathless again. It'd be my biggest birthday wish and present. And please, I'm literally praying for it.