On Time and English.

When we learn English tenses we begin with the simple present tense before we proceed to the past tense and future tense. Seemingly a logical sequence - the present being the instant, the past being the history, and the future being distant.

Present tense tops the three because in the present is where we live. But why the past tense overrides the future? It is justifiable if you imagine someone dying, as miserable and doomed as he is, he still has a present (however insignificant), and the past would suddenly be crowned with a halo (for the past is still, or even more intact with the present being so castrated). Oh no but the future - sad to say but it is less than insignificance. It is nothing. It is totally out of the question. If someone has to die and he has to have one last thing in his mind, it has to be his past, not his present, not his future.

My point is, everyone has a past, but not everyone has a future. So presumably teaching the 6-year-old children tenses in this orderly manner is reasonable (I would not say correct) because like the dying old, the 6-year-old also have a past, however brief it is. So it is probably easier for them to grasp the concept of 'yesterday' than 'tomorrow' which they have to imagine would be coming.

I bet most if not all schools teach English tenses in the same sequence. The tradition stands as it is. We never ask why. We take the conventions of education like birth, as if children have to be born and they have to think this way. What if our predecessors were wrong to begin with. What if we are ourselves a mistake to begin with. You see when we teach children tenses, we convey to them a scheme of thinking about our perception of time and the values of it. It is not only about the modal verbs and past participles. It is about ideology.

Some students mess up tenses. Some professionals relate it to some kind of learning disorder, some parents associate it with laziness. Possible. But I cannot help thinking perhaps it is not the tenses that they screw up, it is the notion of time which as a whole comes in terms of abstraction and ambiguity that strangles them in a labyrinth.

Here is what I have come up with in the chapter on tenses in an English usage textbook:

The past perfect continuous - We use the past perfect continuous for an action which began in the past and continued up to the past time or beyond it.

The future - To talk about something in the near future which we can see as a result of something in the present, we can use the 'be going to' structure.

It is very important in English tenses to differentiate the state of an action and a time if you are to comprehend or express a meaning accurately: whether it is temporary or permanent, before or after or until...

One day I was doing revision on the present tense with my students.

"You use the present tense when you talk about situations which are permanent, say, 'my mother is a woman,' or 'the sun rises in the east.'" The next thing I knew was their aroused skepticism against my statement.

"No, my mother is not a woman. She is a man."

"What about those gay couples?"

"The sun will rise in the west when it is the end of the world."

The fact is I was not pissed. I was quite convinced at the thought of Almodovar's movies in which the mother may not always be a female and that your son may be a woman instead. But well, I did not invent those grammatical rules.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.

張叔平：還是港導演最合拍 內地導演太強勢 感覺受束縛

(明報)2010年1月25日 星期一 05:10

【明報專訊】「我不相信有代表作這回事，總覺得可以做得更好。」著名電影美術指導張叔平工作上喜愛不斷創新，私下則愛收藏舊物，貪新又戀舊。在《花樣年華》中，他為張曼玉 度身訂做的1960年代旗袍造型，至今仍為人津津樂道。近年他不時與內地導演合作，他覺得同樣是處理演員穿旗袍，一些內地導演卻不會考慮20年代旗袍與60年代旗袍的分別，堅持採用與年代不脗合的旗袍，破壞電影整體美感設計。張叔平覺得，還是本地導演最合拍，創作空間可以更自由。

「跟王家衛 合作最舒服」

人稱「阿叔」的張叔平每次參與電影製作，例必先了解故事發生的年代背景，再翻看相關書籍，塑造合適的場景及為角色設計服飾造型。他多年來跟著名導演王家衛合作，覺得對方是最了解他口味的人，他說﹕「跟王家衛合作是最舒服，即使有不同意見，他也會放手讓我天馬行空」。

美術指導為電影的視覺美感定調，張叔平除了喜愛參觀藝術展之中尋找靈感，亦愛鑽進跳蚤市場搜尋古物，北京 的潘家園舊貨市場及本港上環摩羅街是他的搜尋熱點。

為何在設計電影道具時，盡量挑選現成的實物？張叔平解釋︰「道具來自現實生活，演員能夠與物件演出，相信能演得更投入」。他說，隨王家衛拍攝電影《春光乍洩》時，到阿根廷 跳蚤市場閒逛，看上一盞走馬燈，本來買來當作私人收藏，結果被王家衛看見，閒聊間覺得可以借用為拍戲道具，結果便成為戲中「黎耀輝」與「何寶榮」這對同性戀人的訂情信物。

談起王家衛電影，總令人忘不了《花樣年華》中張曼玉身穿的一襲旗袍。張叔平表示，旗袍款式多變，「單是20年代、30年代、40年代、50年代至60年代，基本上已經有5類不同設計，張曼玉身穿的60年代旗袍有修腰剪裁，這在20、30年代是沒有的，40年代的旗袍更會特別加上肩膊墊，是當時的潮流特色。」

內地部分電影人旗袍設計欠嚴謹

雖然他不懂造旗袍，但對旗袍款式有相當研究。近年他不時參與內地電影製作，覺得一些內地電影人對服飾設計跟故事年代背景有很大出入。他說﹕「例如故事發生於20年代，但導演要求女角的旗袍修腰，但20年代的旗袍是沒有修腰設計。」他個人認為這跟60年代政治背景有關，人們在動盪環境，失去對藝術設計的認知，現在他為內地電影擔任美指，是希望為觀眾補上空白的地方。

談到跟內地導演的合作，他覺得內地導演的地位太強勢，有時太堅持己見，未能讓美術設計跟故事年代背景配合，變相破壞美感，他未有點名指出是哪位導演，但他坦言寧願繼續跟香港導演合作，享受自己有更大創作自由。

文﹕彭碧珊

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No matter how they judge us.

Scene II. Capulet's orchard. Romeo & Juliet.

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!" Romeo

"What's Montague? it's nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be come other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet" Juliet

"If you met a woman who is too good for you, marry her."

負負負負負能量.

Mariage D'Amour

親愛的,

我終於知道樓上來的是甚麼音樂.

今天回大學宿舍照畢業相, 一樓的琴房裡有人在彈琴. 彈的就是這. 這是甚麼, 我問. 夢中的婚禮呀, 友說.

無論聽多少次, 心裡還是戚戚然的, 又憂傷, 又感動.



晚上, 一個人在房間, 我重複的聽了一遍又一遍, 直至我好像再次相信愛情這虛無縹緲的事情如同相信造物主的存在一樣. 我曾經深信不疑. 我以為我以後都不了.

小時候恐懼數學到一個如臨大敵的地步, 那些長長的公式我往往計了第一行便胎死腹中, 不了了之. 別人說見一步走一步. 我是寸步難行. 這情況我記得由小學減數開始, 到分數我已經覺得吃不消. 我覺得面前的路走不下去, 這感覺我不陌生, 一切由數學開始. 我覺得自己的腦袋發展極端, 感情用事, 思路紊亂, 也是由數學開始.

不知怎的, 竟想起這些事情來了. 或者忽然恍然大悟, 過往的關係, 一一都像那些或長或短的公式一樣, 開始了, 卻又無疾而終了. 是我放棄它還是它放棄我了.

親愛的, 其實我很害怕. 我害怕事情會一而再再而三的發生. 害怕重蹈覆轍. 我的世界, 再經不起另一次的四分五裂. 因為, 你知道嗎, 事到如今, 再想起的時候, 我還是會流淚.

我承認我的軟弱. 所以你明白嗎, 最微不足道的好意都足以令我感動.

一日為師.

節錄一位同事寫的文章給大家看看.

友們都問我, 老師究竟要做甚麼. 在我身處的學校, 老師就是這樣子:





「上一輩單一的「教書育人」的教師角色，現在已不復存在。每天拖著疲乏身軀回家，首先覺得教師就是一個牧羊人，獨領群羊奔馳覓食一天，少一點氣力，或者年紀稍大都應付不過來。在課堂上，又覺教師是一個警察，特別是面對每一級的後列班，要求眼觀六路，耳聽八方，最好有順風耳，後視眼，周旋於幾十頑童之間要臨危不亂，更不能臨陣退縮，必要時以退為進，軟硬兼施，既要嚴打肇事者，又要顧全大局重整課室秩序以備校長於門外巡視。面對低年班的同學時，又搖身變成鐵面無私的包公，隨時將課堂變公堂審案。當然更多時候是學生的私人保姆、秘書，學生未吃早餐於早會頭昏出汗，得趕快去小賣部買份三文治；學生不見了通告或工作紙，得立即幫忙影印；功課file一到學生手肯定去如黃鶴，幫學生保存各式各樣功課file是頭等大事；堂上沒收的電話、遊戲機要妥善保管以待學生領取；家長要上班，希望老師能將其子女留校看管到六點半以待接回，最好能安排功課輔導。在學校與家長之間，教師又好像公關，要推銷學校政策與會考戰績，要陪家長旅行、燒烤，逢年過節要陪家長學做湯圓、整冰皮月餅、生炒糯米飯、蒸年糕，還要學串珠、剪紙、跳健身舞。追收回條時又是一個專業收數佬。面對精修班學費、旅行日餐費、班會費等等時，又搖身變做會計與出納。每個循環周充當一次便衣巡警巡視學校週圍的商場、屋邨平台、遊戲機鋪。當然你可能同時是一個善解人意、觀人於微的輔導專家，手上被分派3-4個個案，又是一個深諳變臉之道的訓導老師，隨時被徵召入課室處理突發事件。為適應五花八門的教育政策及朝令夕改的教改，每個星期總有一兩次機會讓你重溫做學生的感覺。到你將這些角色都扮演齊備了，以為可以鬆一口氣了，才驚覺，課還沒有備，簿還沒有改，你其實好像應該是一個教師！」

負能量.

晚上一個人靜下來的時候情緒便起來了. 流了淚, 反而覺得釋懷. 想得太多, 過一會思緒平伏下來就好了.

我的傘.

下雨, 天色陰鬱暗晦, 值得安慰的是雨落下來的時候頭上有一把傘. 風雨不改陪了我四年的我心愛的傘, 米白色, 一線深藍圍邊, 木手柄, 握在手裡沉實又穩重. 是一種熟悉的安全感. 當生活出了亂子時我正需要. 都說, 像我這樣的一個女子, 原是不宜戀愛的.

同類

孫燕姿 同類

雨後的城市　寂寞又狼狽
路邊的座位　它空著在等誰

我拉住時間　它卻不理會
有沒有別人　跟我一樣很想被安慰

風　停了又吹　我忽然想起誰
天　亮了又黑　我過了好幾歲

心　暖了又灰
世界　有時候孤單的很　需要另一個同類

愛　收了又給　我們都不太完美
夢　作了又碎　我們有幾次機會　去追

不曉得為甚麼愛　又稀少又昂貴

雲在半空中　被微風剪碎
回憶也許美　可是正在飛走對不對

眼淚成詩

我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人.

一開始是喜歡孫燕姿的歌, 後來是愈來愈喜歡. 她的聲音溫柔, 脆弱, 但堅定, 倔強.

晚上在家裡靜靜的坐著, 忽然有點懷念, 愛情的感覺. 沒有特別懷念某個人, 只是純粹記得愛情如同記得一件美好的事情. 那感覺, 我記得, 也是溫柔, 脆弱, 但堅定, 倔強. 我記得落花流水, 記得奮不顧身, 記得心如止水, 記得無疾而終, 記得朝朝暮暮, 記得落荒而逃. 隔了些年月, 多美好的事情, 都彷彿有點蒼涼了.

有一些孫燕姿的歌詞我覺得貼近得不得了:

我愛上讓我奮不顧身的一個人.

用力推開你我依然留下.

我懷念的是爭吵以後還是想要愛你的衝動.

還是害怕夜深人靜時總想起你.

我並不懦弱你比誰都懂.

除了你給的傘我再也沒有別的藉口去擁有你的什麼.

我也是80後

" 現在許多的80後都認為工作只是人生的一部分，要「play hard, work hard」享受生活才算理想人生。這樣和勤力拼搏的上一輩確實會牛頭不搭馬嘴，但絕不等於我們不上進不負責任。"

(明報)2010年1月9日 星期六

這是一個好有趣的社會現象.

誰人搬出 "80後" 這標籤名詞搞社會分化, 結果卻把一代人歸納團結起來了. 這是整整一代人的異見分子, 我/ 他們未必有具體的權力, 但有的是青春, 熱情, 理想, 抽象但實在, 而且堅定.

帶出一個信息: 你的孩子不屬於你, 他們屬於自己, 不受誰的支配. 當父母的不欣然也得接受, 這是個失去的過程.

希望我們這群八十後變老了不會抱著一個高高在上自以為是的老屎忽姿態來blackmail我們的下一代.

仍然是一閉上眼睛使開始造夢.

Some dialogue between a man and a woman.

w: How are you now? Teacher, right?
i: Where did you get that news from?
w: Haha ‘cause I am smart to guess?
i: Can’t say it's not. So you in your final year?
w: I wish. Not yet. Junior year.
i: You have a lifetime to work, why hurry.
w: ‘Cause I am getting sick of school. Don’t know why.
I used to love school a lot, but gradually after my sophomore year and last summer, I just wanna graduate and work asap.
i: I think I understand. I planned to do postgraduate but when it came to my last semester I was just sick of studying any longer.
w: I don’t know, after my experience with HSBC last summer, I realized I am really getting sick of school.
It's like I suddenly lose the interest in acquiring more knowledge.
i: Yea too much knowledge, somehow.
w: Ya but with that sort of mentality, my academic results get affected as well. Like last quarter I just "duc guo cher guo" for my classes and spent most of the time doing intern applications.
i: As long as you think it's worthwhile.
w: Don’t know. And u know, I always miss Hong Kong, so it makes more sense for me to get out of school asap.
i: I thought your nostalgia would be declining.
w: Well it WAS. But it got stronger after last summer.
i: Something happened?
w: What do you mean?
i: It's like last summer is THE cutting line.
w: Hmmmm. Ya kind of.
i: Yea, so?
w: Haha but it's over.
i: Exactly why it's on the table.
w: Hmmm.............
i: Alright I'm just asking.
w: Sorry. Haven't been sleeping for the whole day.
i: Been applying for intern again?
w: Yes. And also I just got back to the States from my Christmas break.
i: You come back every summer and Christmas?
w: Pretty much. But didn't come back last Christmas.
i: So, have things around/about you changed a lot or no?
w: Hmmmm, where should I start from?
i: The easiest one to tell.
w: Well the easiest one to tell is to say nothing happened, isn't it? Haha.
i: Ok, then I bet it ends our conversation.
w: Okok, not like that...
i: So? Story?
w: Thinking. Hmmm, You want story about my academic life, or relationship or what?
i: The more interesting one.
w: That will depends on what you think is more interesting.
i: The latter one apparently.
w: I knew it.
w: Well it's kind of sad, though I dun mind sharing. See how I can start. So I guess you know I dated a girl during summer, but then we broke up after I got back to the states for around 1.5 months.
i: I know nothing about that.
w: Now you know.
i: Yup.
w: Ya. So hmmm, the girl I knew her since I was 7 or 10 I forgot.
i: Wow.
w: But didn't really talk to her much when I was kid and eventually lost contact until she found me on facebook like 2008 fall. So ya we started when I got back to HK for summer but broke up once like 4 weeks be4 I was about to leave Hong Kong, then got back together and broke up again after around 1.5 months I was back to the States.
i: I see.
w: So ya.
i: So you're lovesick, not homesick.
w: ..............Well I didn't even see her during Christmas.
i: So you're not the one who initiated the breakup.
w: I was. For both the first and second time.
i: Why?
w: ‘Cause I thought she was not putting much effort or not really care about me and being cool and so on. You know those kind of stuff. But now when I look back, I don’t know.
i: What about you? You expected a fling or you serious?
w: I was damn serious. Tooo serious in fact. If I was not being serious, I will never long-distance with her.
i: It can be another way round...
w: The another way round? Like she treated me as a fling? I highly doubt about that.
i: No, I mean some people do enjoy having more casual relationships when they come back home during holidays. Easy to begin, and easy to put an end to.
w: Er....mine was tough to end although I was the one who initiated the breakup.
i: Sorry to hear.
w: It's ok. I've been through it I guess.
i: You regret?
w: Well what should I say. I think I made the right decision to break up at that moment if I am being rational. But ya sometimes I still think of her. And like before Christmas I actually thought of getting her back, but I think it's not very likely to work out given that I only have 3 weeks in Hong Kong, plus I am quite sure that we will break up again once I leave Hong Kong after Christmas. So I decided better not to meet her.
i: But if you're still not sure if she's serious or not then how do you possibly conclude your decision was right.
w: My decision was right. ‘Cause with the relationship continues it will only hinder our normal life I guess. PLUS ya back in those days I was always complaining to her that she is not putting enough effort to maintain the relationship and I saw not much improvement, so I decided to end it.
i: I see.
w: But I dun think I can blame everything on her. She thinks there's a huge gap between us, and the gap is only getting wider.
i: Gap of physical distance?
w: Not just that, but like our social background, education and mentality as well. Oh forgot to mention that she was younger than I am. She is now a freshman at uni.
i: Well, it has to happen.
w: Anyways it's over now I guess. Haha although recently she wrote something on her xanga and I am confused.
i: Like?
w: Ai let me show you. (blahblahblah)
i: ...
w: I guess I should just stop reading her stuff which I did so before. I am just bored suddenly.
i: Why would she suddenly bring this up in her xanga?
w: She was writing her end of year review shit.
i: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
w: .......What’s so funny?
i: It’s hilarious.
w: Why?
i: Nothing, just kind of... comic.
w: ...Okay.
i: The humorous side of your sad story.
w: What? Where's the humorous side?
i: Well at least she summed it up positively.
w: Fine.
i: I'm not sure if you prefer not being mentioned at all in her end of year review shit. Then you'd still be cursing her
w: No I won’t.
i: Haha.
w: I never curse her. It's just I don’t know.
i: Yes you just curse her review crap.
w: Er... I didn't man.
i: Obviously you're still not over while you think you are.
w: I know.
i: Speechless.
w: My relationships are always short. Longest was the previous one.
i: So you had many relationships.
w: .....
i: Haha.
w: Honestly, I want a stable one man. I am sick of flings.
i: Then honestly you have to be here to be stable.
w: ........
i: Or have something stable over there.
w: Well my dearest you know what, even if I graduate and come back to Hong Kong to work, I doubt if I am gonna have a stable one. ‘Cause if I become an i-banker or working in the finance industry I dun think I have the time to date a girl seriously.
i: Well I guess it's too generalized.
w: What?
i: Friends of mine working in these fields can date normally.
w: I-banking is hard to say. No time to date.
i: Well, bread and love, pick one.
w: No bread no love though. You need $$$ to hit on a girl by the end of the day.
i: Yes, you need $ to put ads on newspapers to ask for a date by the end of the day.
w: Wtf.
i: =P
w: HAHAHAHA.
i: I mean it.
w: ........
i: I did read it. "Rich man, single, back from the States, want a stable marriage."
w: HAHAHA. Hey u interested in that?
i: I am not interested, but it's interesting to read!
w: Come on, I dun think I have to do that. Dai lo, even if I dun hit on gals, there will be girls hitting on me I am sure.
i: Alright then stick to your i-banking-breadwinning-girl-hitting-on-you future, girl magnet!
w: ................. Don’t say that. In fact I am worried that I won’t be able to find a job. It’s really competitive.
i: Things will get better in 2010.
w: I hope so. My 2009 was kinda screw. It was not during summer. I had a great time during summer but bad luck come up after that.
i: When will you be graduating?
w: 2011. A big sigh.
i: Don’t sigh, you got a lifetime to work like a cow.
w: Haha you should know that I am always working like a cow.
i: I am going for a shower.
w: We should catch up more next time. Miss talking to some intellectual people like you.
i: Well you have plenty of intellectuals around.
w: Oh true, but none of my friends do literature.
i: So talking to people who do literature about your love life is something different?
w: .........OK you are inching me. Fine.
i: No no no I haven’t. I am always agreeable.
w: O really? I bet now you must be always inching people around. Is that how you teach your students?
i: Yes that's how I teach my students because they just love me inching them.
w: Oh really. You know I am taking a class that requires me to study Chinese literature in English. Wut jor gay.
i: Why the hell are you taking this class then… Hey I have to shower!
w: Hahaha okok I will let you shower.

We almost had a baby

zzz

First Love.

Something good to share.
Emmy the Great, and she's from Hong Kong.